Wife and MUM 04/2013 – Love and Rotten Eggs

Thursday 4 July 2013

On the last week of each month Irene travels to Singapore to support her daughter. Her daughter would be busy in the office and usually manages to get back home late in the night. Mother and daughter has a close bond and with a grandson who laughs enthusiastically and kisses his grandma unconditionally, Irene looks forward to the trip lovingly.

Each trip is planned out carefully. She is part of church choir who practices every Wednesday night and Sunday afternoon. In addition for every first and third Sunday the choir renders a hymn of praise. Therefore Irene plans her trip to avoid not attending practice on Wednesday and rendition of hymn on Sunday. She scrutinize the calender and bus-coach schedule to ensure she will not miss practice or rendition if possible. She generally purchase her ticket for a Thursday trip on the fourth week and get back on Tuesday of the first week. In this way she achieves her objective of not missing practice and rendition. I asked her why she goes to all this trouble. Her answer is “We must be committed to the team. What if everyone of us do as we like. Also when we serve in the singing ministry, we must serve diligently and faithfully.”

For the three weeks when she is in Malaysia, she would be looking at cloths for her grandson, utensils for her daughter and food for her son-in-law. Therefore shopping for her is a joy, because she builds love into her shopping.

Today, Irene went to the market to get a fresh chicken to cook and bring to Singapore. Her son-in-law likes “Kaya - Coconut Jam" for spreading over the bread. To prepare home cooked Kaya, it takes fresh eggs, pandan leaves, coconut milk, sugar and flour plus probably four hours of constantly stirring the ingredients and watching the fire. She enjoys her labor of love so it is not a chore.

Last night she bought the eggs, sugar and flour from the supermarket. This morning at the fresh market, she bought the coconut to make coconut milk.  The first step in making the Kaya is to prepare the eggs. She broke five eggs into a bowl. On breaking the sixth egg, there is this pungent, smelly odour. She has broken a rotten egg into the bowl. So there goes the Kaya. No Kaya for her son-in-law this month.

Kaya can be bought from the supermarket, the coffee shops and lots of others places. Therefore this is not an issue. The interesting aspect is what is next after breaking the rotten egg into the bowl? The essence of a person character comes across after a negative unexpected event. An unexpected event that cause discomfort to us. How do we cope?

Irene called me to show me the rotten egg in the bowl. I suggested we wrapped the eggs up in a plastic bag and throw it into the garbage can.  Irene says if we do that the whole neighbour hood will smell of rotten eggs, and within a few hours worms will be seen wriggling out of the uncooked eggs.

What Irene did was to scoop up the rotten egg and washed it down the drain with plenty of water. Then cooked the remaining eggs after which they were disposed of in the garbage can. In this way, there would be no rotten smell and no worms to worry over.

“It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad.”

- C.S.Lewis

Questions for reflection:
1. What positive actions can I take when faced with negative unexpected events that does not work in my favor?

Cheers.
Hope to see you soon.

Papa Coaching

Do pass it on to your friends if you like the article. They can log onto http://wifeextraordinary-mum.blogspot.com and register to follow the blog.

Visit my other blog on life and executive coaching + retiring in bliss

http://liveinsignificance.wordpress.com

Visit my website www.papacoaching.com.my

Wife and MUM 03/2013 – Kindness

Sunday 30 June 2013

I had and still admires the interpersonal skill of Irene. She blends in with those she knows and does not know very easily.  She is friendly and kind but cautious towards those she is not familiar with. With friends and family members she is loving and kind. The common attribute towards those she knows and those she is getting to know is “Kindness”.  

Kindness is an action. It is seen in the behavior of rendering favors and good deeds for those whom you know and do not know. It could be helping others in small ways  that gives them a sense of being acknowledged.

At last Wednesday choir practice session, she came to know that the nephew of one of the choir members was hospitalized for inflammation of the liver. The boy is ten years of age and is being looked after by the grandma since the death of his mother a year ago.

On Saturday afternoon Irene request to be driven to the hospital. She wants to visit him eventhough the only information she has about this boy is his surname and age. Off we went and upon arrival at the hospital, she resolutely went to enquire on the whereabouts (ward and bed number) of this boy from the main information desk, the guards, the nurses, and the emergency help desk. After some running around, she got the information she need, i.e. the office block and ward number in which “Ah Onn” – the name of the boy - is in.

Accompanying Irene was a lesson for me. In my mind I was giving her support but grudgingly with the arrogance of pre assumption “I know you are kind, but aren’t you taking kindness a little too far. Are you not over using your strength of kindness?” Afterall you do not know this boy, you do not know his full name, you do not know which ward he is in.” These doubts crossed my mind.

Upon arriving in the room where Ah Onn was staying, Irene introduced herself to a man and a lady who were with the Ah Onn. They were Ah Onn grandpa and grandma. They were surprised that a friend of their relative could come and visit their grandson.

Irene seek their permission to hand some dried grapes and a book for Ah Onn. Irene just chat with them. She accompanied them downstairs for a walk when Ah Onn said he wanted to get some sunlight and fresh air.

In all Irene probably spent some twenty minutes with them. In my opinion, Irene did a random act of kindness. An action that brought a moment of relief to the grand parents. They were shown that there are people who cares. Also during the short duration of twenty minutes, they were doing something different from their usual routine – talking to a friend they do not know. It is a short break where they are engaged in communication with a friend who cares. An interruption from our usual routine can help in lowering our stress level.

I asked Irene on our way home “what makes you want to visit Ah Onn?”. She replied that this idea had been on her mind for two days and she felt she should visit him.

This is Irene. She had the characteristic humanistic virtue and she expressed it out with random acts of kindness. Today at church she reactively supported a chair to ensure an old lady would not fall when she sits on it.

"From what we get, we can make a living. What we give, however, makes a life."
~Arthur Ashe

Questions for reflection:
1. What random acts of kindness can I engaged in daily?
2. If I were to look for opportunties within my daily activities to perform some acts of random kindness, what would they be?

Cheers.
Hope to see you soon.

Papa Coaching

Do pass it on to your friends if you like the article. They can log onto http://wifeextraordinary_mum.blogspot.com and register to follow the blog.

Visit my other blog on life and executive coaching + retiring in bliss

http://liveinsignificance.wordpress.com

Visit my website www.papacoaching.com.my

Wife and MUM 02/2013 - Marriage is God's Blessing

Friday 14 June 2013

I received some interesting quotes on “Marriage” from my friends. 

“Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.” -Tommy Lee

"First there's the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after.....comes Suffer...ing!” - Jay Leno

“After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.” - Al Gore


"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
- Michael Jordan

“Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1.. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up.” - Shaquille O'Neal

Quotes like the above frequently goes around (usually among men) and they all have a laugh.  Men do have a sense of humor don’t they. They know how to laugh at themselves. Cheers to all married man.

The quote that I like about marriage comes from Socrates who was quoted as having said, “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.” REALLY?

Christians are constantly reminded that marriage is a good thing.

Man and woman complements each other in and out of bed. Marriage is a ring with no ending. It is both sides of a coin bonded with the covenant “Till death do we part”.

Christians believe that Adam was first created by God. And in the first book of the Bible “Genesis Chapter 2, verse 18-24”, it is recorded:

“Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

So out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name.

The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him.

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh.

And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man.

Then the man said,

  “ This at last is bone of my bones

 and flesh of my flesh;

  she shall be called Woman,

 because she was taken out of Man.”

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Yes, woman complements a man. She is a helper to man. In the book of Proverbs chapter 31, verses 10-31 say:

An excellent wife who can find?

    She is far more precious than jewels.

The heart of her husband trusts in her,

    and he will have no lack of gain.

She does him good, and not harm,

    all the days of her life.

She seeks wool and flax,

    and works with willing hands.

She is like the ships of the merchant;

    she brings her food from afar.

She rises while it is yet night

    and provides food for her household

    and portions for her maidens.

She considers a field and buys it;

    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

She dresses herself with strength

    and makes her arms strong.

She perceives that her merchandise is profitable.

    Her lamp does not go out at night.

She puts her hands to the distaff,

    and her hands hold the spindle.

She opens her hand to the poor

    and reaches out her hands to the needy.

She is not afraid of snow for her household,

    for all her household are clothed in scarlet.

She makes bed coverings for herself;

    her clothing is fine linen and purple.

Her husband is known in the gates

    when he sits among the elders of the land.

She makes linen garments and sells them;

    she delivers sashes to the merchant.

Strength and dignity are her clothing,

    and she laughs at the time to come.

She opens her mouth with wisdom,

    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

She looks well to the ways of her household

    and does not eat the bread of idleness.

Her children rise up and call her blessed;

    her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women have done excellently,

    but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain,

    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands,

    and let her works praise her in the gates.

Yes, Marriage is good. It needs to be worked at.

Both Irene and myself believe in the saying

“Success in marriage is more than finding the right person.

Being the right person is more important”

Lesson for me:
1. What are the actions I do to demonstrate I am the right person?

Cheers.
Hope to see you soon.

Papa Coaching

Do pass it on to your friends if you like the article. They can log onto http://wifeextraordinary_mum.blogspot.com and register to follow the blog.

Visit my other blog on life and executive coaching + retiring in bliss

http://liveinsignificance.wordpress.com

Visit my website www.papacoaching.com.my

Believe and Faith

Wife and MUM 01/2013

Monday 03 June 2013

Irene was ironing the cloths while I was having breakfast. As my manager, she will tell me on what she had read in the newspapers and seen on the TV news.  She told me about a single mother in Singapore who was seen pushing her mentally challenged child over the railings of their apartment. As a result the child died. Incidences like this always cuts us up a little. Questions like “Why?”; “Where are you God?” and a hundred similar questions floods our minds. These questions stirs our emotions, challenge our belief system and our values. Cause us to re examine our judgments, our decisions, and bring onto the table our very being.  

We can be PULLED towards becoming more compassionate, loving, believing or PUSHED away into bitterness, skepticism and atheistic tendencies.

Irene, me and our choir members had on many occasions, discourse on the difference between believe, faith, acceptance and works within the context of the Christian theology.

As Irene relate the above incident to me she gave me her interpretation. Believe is when we know as this single mother knows. There is head knowledge. Faith is “Acceptance of the FACT that her child is special” and “Act (works) towards achieving the best outcome for her child” while hanging on to the promise Jesus made in Matthew 11:28-30 “"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”

Believe – head knowledge – is important, very important. To build on the foundation of believe is action and that is Faith. Believe when coupled with Faith is powerful.  Faith is action based on the covenant and promise of God.

Irene's questions for me:
1. How do you practice your beliefs?
2. In what ways is your faith in alignment with your believe?

Cheers.
Hope to see you soon.

Papa Coaching

Do pass it on to your friends if you like the article. They can log onto http://wifeextraordinary_mum.blogspot.com and register to follow the blog.

Visit my other blog on life and executive coaching + retiring in bliss

http://liveinsignificance.wordpress.com

Visit my website www.papacoaching.com.my

Wife and MUM 06/2012

Thursday 02 August 2012

Irene wears spectacles to correct her vision. To read she needs glasses. On raining days when she drives at night the street lights will appear as big balls of different shapes. As such, God send her a chauffer – me, the husband that doubles up as a chauffer. It is actually an interesting actiivty to drive her around. She will update her driver on the what is in the newspaper, what was covered by CCTV – the China program on Astro TV, what is her grandson learning now and the month he will be joining day school. In short, I get an education for free.

In recent months Irene has been voicing her concern over her deteriorating eye sight. She felt that her vision was getting blurred, a little like looking through a frosted glass. She then made a decision to visit an eye specialist, an ophthalmologist for a diagnosis. The doctor did a great job of testing her eye vision and checking her eyes for defects, etc. The ophthalmologist expalins that there is a clouding of her eye's natural lens. In short she has developed cataract.

The term cataract is from the Greek word cataractos, which explains water turning from clear to cloudy when the water is turbulent and running rapidly. Early Greeks attribute visual loss as due to an accumulation of this turbulent fluid or "cataracts". The doctor explains that our eye lens is made mostly of water and protein. The protein keeps the lens clear and allows light to pass through it. With age, some of the protein may clump together and start to cloud a small area of the lens. This is a cataract, and over time, it may grow to cloud more of the lens making it harder to see.

Irene check with her friends and her insurance agent for their experience and their views. She subsequently went to consult anther doctor for a second opinion. Upon further explanation from the second consultation, she decided to have the cataracts removed. She went for her cataract removal on Monday (30^th July 2012).

To prepare for surgery, she swept all the rooms in the house clean, vacuum the rooms and sofa, clean the fans and washed all the cloths. It is incredible that she was making sure the house is clean and will need little maintenace after her surgery. Being focus on resulys and do what is necessary by paying attention to small details is one of her strong points.

She identify her end goals for the week, i.e. doing as little as necessary after the surgery. Advice she gathers from her friends and confirmed by the doctor. She is really living the management rule “People who do not plan, actuall plan to fail”. Irene never went to business schools, never taken a management course but in her university of hard knocks she learned “People do not plan to fail, but they do fail to plan”. Irene do not write down her goals but she set goals in her head. She is EXCEPTIONAL as she is a goal getter. She begins with the end in mind even though she had never heard of nor read any Stephen Covey books.

Lesson for me:
What are the things you want to accomplish?
Translate them into activities /behaviors that will achieve the end goals.
Do the activities until you achieve your goals.

Cheers.
Hope to see you soon.

Papa Coaching

Do pass it on to your friends if you like the article. They can log onto http://wifeextraordinary_mum.blogspot.com and register to follow the blog.

Visit my other blog on life and executive coaching + retiring in bliss

http://liveinsignificance.wordpress.com

Visit my website www.papacoaching.com.my